Unspoken rules of not being annoying

Laugh at offensive jokes, every single one, not just the ones from your best friend where
you know what they intend or have an actual joke to them
Laugh at the ones that hurt, the ones you’re not too sure about, the ones just there to make
sure the next thing you say seems bitchy
Because are you going to be someone who can’t take a joke, the worst possible thing
someone can be?
Don’t make jokes about them back, it’s a lame attempt with not enough history to land
Forget being genuine, apologizing is missing the whole point, like, fuck ‘em
I don’t want to fuck them
Please stop touching my knee no I’m serious I-
Yeah, I’m just playin’ too

Share your opinion, be bold
When it’s taken out of context maliciously, viciously to prove that you’re extreme or illogical
Smile, because if you can dish it, you can take it
Good faith? Patience? The world doesn’t have that, you’re sensitive
Argue his point, no, you’re a debater, do it
What, are you tired? Has he won? He has won, hasn’t he? Look at you, can’t even stand up for
what you believe in! I thought you were an activist, huh?

Be expressive if you’re happy
Don’t react if you’re hurt, it encourages them
Y’all are friends anyway, right?
You must learn to deal with people like this, preferably by looking into their eyes trying to find
some empathy, openly, and if they provide nothing then
He’s just like that

When you’re mad try to appear un-cute, otherwise it will distract them
Not that your words hold much weight or significance otherwise
But cute is somehow worse than dumb when you’re trying to explain the consequences of
their actions back to them in hopes of sparing another, who doesn’t understand these rules
In some cases, un-cuteness never works, so lean in, maybe if you pout, they’ll listen
Whore out your emotions for a bit, they won’t try to dig into to them, if they do it’ll be to
question the reasons for all these feelings, so just keep it simple

Don’t speak up in class when something is wrong, of course your morals won’t be able to
help it, of course the quiet kids silently thank you and you know so
But expect nothing more or less than an eyeroll and a label as some goody two shoed
control freak teacher’s pet
It doesn’t matter if you are or not, it doesn’t matter if there’s a problem with you being
like that at all, it doesn’t matter if you’re the chillest person alive
Constantly be aware of how many tattles you’ve taled, how many questions you’ve
asked, how many times you’ve stood up for yourself and balance it with letting things go
Accept it and nod when people tell you: you need to let things flow, it’s totally true, then
when they pick an argument with you, stay absolutely cool or you will be labeled as rigid by
friends, teachers, and foes

If your clothes are too baggy to be a sexual object, try being clever, rather than a doll you
get to be a wall that guys use to bounce ideas off and test-run new adolescent feelings, be clever
enough to keep them interested but don’t be personal, don’t bounce back, you have no
levity

Be a pussy with no backbone or be weary from fighting⎼ choose
Don’t care what other people think, you never have, but care what these guys think
You care more than they do anyway

When they read this poem and disassociate
Once again interpret your words liberally or take it all too personally or all too impersonally
Perhaps taking credit, thrilled there is still enough power that years later I type
Just say: It’s not that true, it’s not about you, I’m alright now, y’know let’s forget it, like I’m not
one of those crazy femin- yeah...
Learn to shut up

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Julieta Lozano-Ramsay is a young poet and environmentalist from Quebec, Canada. Her work is upcoming in The Paragon Press and other publications. She's particularly excellent at finding snails on the sidewalk and particularly poor at drinking tea.